


No One But You

by cardboardbox



Category: A Separate Peace - John Knowles
Genre: Gay, Lotta Symbolism, M/M, Oneshot, this is weird and descriptive i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 17:38:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19773172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardboardbox/pseuds/cardboardbox
Summary: Gene feels some things about his roommate and it turns out he feels some things for him as well





	No One But You

Finny reminded Gene of summer. Of course, his appearance consisted of sun-kissed skin and golden waves and some feeling like the coast of California. Gene had never been to California. But he figured if Finny were to be any state, he’d be California. His smile was radiant as the rays of the sun, his green eyes shimmered like jewels with gold flakes sprinkled across them. His laugh was light and airy and the way he walked seemed like water, smooth and flowing and never interrupted. Everything about him was light and sunshine and summer.

But it wasn’t just his looks that seemed like summer to Gene. It was also his personality. His spontaneity, his exuberance. Everything. Everything was summer.

Gene considered himself to be winter, not only due to the cooler tones of his complexion or the edge to his personality, but also because of how opposite he was to Finny. They were of different natures, different worlds almost, and so Gene thought he must’ve been winter. 

He had once told Phineas about how he thought of him as summer and he didn’t ask what he meant. And he had replied that he thought of Gene as winter which further confirmed his beliefs. But some small part of him was a bit uneasy at the fact that Finny also thought of him as winter. That only proved how different they were. Never would they be of the same caliber. Gene was in a separate hemisphere, across the world from wherever Finny shone, shivering in his frozen prison. He wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve Phineas. He didn’t think anything he could ever do would make him worthy of seeing just one of his smiles. Of hearing his laugh for even a moment.

And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, his heart had flipped one day when he and Finny were walking along in the snow, the blond’s breath coming out labored and heavy as he tried to move with his crutches. Gene always knew he was exhausted just getting from place to place, but he never brought it up. Finny would’ve just denied it anyways. Then he had said that he loved the winter and Gene felt his ears heat. “What do you mean?” he had asked before he could stop himself. He knew surely his interpretation of Finny’s words was wrong and disgusting and of course someone like Phineas would never feel such a thing for someone like him. “What do you mean, what do I mean? I love winter. That’s what I mean. And when you really love something, then it loves you back, in whatever way it has to love.”

He glanced over his shoulder at Gene then and he felt his heart flip again as he met green eyes, seeming brighter now against the pale landscape. But he shook the thought from his head that perhaps he really was winter and fell into step beside him as they continued towards their destination.

Gene wasn’t sure which version of Finny he enjoyed more. In the summer session, he was free and glowing with the sort of light only he could possess. He had been breathtaking. And despite the guilt gnawing at Gene’s conscience ever waking moment because of the incident, he thought Finny had been oddly beautiful in the winter session as well. He stood out against the whites and greys of the world around them, whereas Gene blended in. And although he had been restrained by his injury, his eyes had seemed brighter, his smile warmer. He still brought summer even on the coldest winter day. 

Phineas had always appreciated all around him and he had his own way of doing so. In the summer, it was sports and the tree and the river and the air. The sun and the sky and the grass. Anything and everything. But when winter rolled around, it became the elms and the snow and the frost and the cold. And with his injury, he couldn’t enjoy it as much as he used to. But he still somehow found a way to admire the world and everything it held and Gene had no idea how he could do it. It seemed to him that almost everything was against him, so unlike him, during the winter session, but it didn’t seem to phase Finny in the slightest.

It was during one of these winter days that they were in their dorm just after supper. Gene was wrapped in a thick blanket, studying French for an upcoming test. Finny had been quiet since they got to the room and at first Gene thought he must’ve been working on something for class or had simply fallen asleep. But when he had looked up from his studying after half an hour, he found him lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He almost said something, but he wasn’t sure what to say, so he just went back to his work.

“Hey, Gene?” he asked after a few more minutes of silence and he looked up and across the room. 

“Yes, Finny?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Do you ever feel like you’re . . . different . . . than other people?”

Gene blinked and shifted in his chair. “I don’t think I know what you mean.”

“I mean,” he breathed, sitting up in bed and running a hand through dirty blond hair. “Is there some part of you that really wants something, but it’s not something you should want?”

He felt his pulse quicken, but tried to ignore wishful thinking. He thought about what to say, about what Finny _wanted_ him to say, but he didn’t know. So he decided to just be honest. “Yeah. I think I know what you mean.”

Green eyes looked at him then and he didn’t blink, feeling if he so much as moved those eyes would see right through him. “And you just . . . you’re goddamn **_scared_** but you still feel like somehow everything will be alright? You feel so vulnerable, but protected at the same time?”

Finny’s expression seemed like he was confusing even himself, so Gene forced a smile. “You’re being rather vague,” he said and Finny chuckled. “I know. I’m sorry. I know what I mean I just . . . don’t know how to explain it.”

A silence fell over them before Gene cleared his throat. “Say, why don’t we listen to some music?” he suggested and Finny gave him a smile which he was thankful for. “Sure.”

He stood and moved to the radio, switching it on. He saw a certain heaviness on Finny’s shoulders, but he tried to ignore it. Maybe a little jazz could loosen the tightness of his muscles.

When music flowed from the radio, it was slow and soft and gentle. “Should I try to find some jazz?” he asked and to his surprise, Finny was quick to answer “No.”

He glanced at him over his shoulder to see green eyes staring at him. “Leave it on this.”

Gene swallowed and began to walk back to his bed when he heard a shuffling from Finny’s side of the room. He turned around to see the blond on his feet, wobbling before catching his balance. “Finny, what are you doing?” he asked, feeling his heart wrench with worry. “I want to dance.”

“What?”

“I want to dance,” he said again with a large grin. 

“But, Finny, your leg, you — you can’t, you’ll hurt yourself,” he protested. The blond limped over to him with that lopsided smile that made Gene’s stomach somersault. “Ah, you worry too much,” he said, standing before him. “Besides, Stanpole says it’s nearly healed, anyway.”

“But, Finny, what if you —”

“C’mon, Gene,” he interjected, slipping a hand over his waist and Gene gasped softly. “Dance with me.”

Brown eyes looked nervously up into green and he couldn’t resist the glimmer there, the way that smile lay so gently on his lips. So he glanced down to their feet, feeling his cheeks flush pink. Finny took his hand in his own and Gene placed the other on his shoulder. They began to sway to the music and at first, Finny found it a bit difficult to find his rhythm with his cast and Gene had been worried, but he had simply laughed it off. But then he evened out and they were dancing. They waltzed a bit awkwardly for a few songs, but then they began to slow and Gene allowed himself to lean his head against Finny’s, feeling the blond wrap his arms around his waist. He slung his own around his neck, their bodies pressing together as they swayed. Gene shut his eyes as they moved, taking in Finny’s scent and running his fingers through the hair at his nape.

He wanted to stay in the moment forever. He wanted to always be able to hold Finny close like he could now, breathe him in and feel his warmth. “Hey, Gene?” he said barely above a whisper, his breath tickling his ear and his neck. He pulled away enough to look at him, his throat going dry at the look in green eyes. “Yes?” he mumbled and suddenly Finny’s lips met his. Seasons collided, ice mixing with sunshine, warmth meeting cold. Gene felt the world around them fall apart and disappear before returning, reassembling in indistinguishable pieces as Finny pulled away, leaving his lips frozen without summer heat.

They stared at each other for a moment before a wide grin graced Finny’s features and Gene couldn’t help mimicking him, giggling softly. And as the song faded to the start of a new one, they continued to dance.


End file.
